Adam Carolla : Erin, what's happening my brother?
Erin : Hello?
Adam Carolla : Yeah?
Erin : I have a questions for you, this pacquiao thing, it's driving me crazy you know with Mayweather and what not. When are we gonna see these two guys fight?!
Adam Carrolla : Uhh, you know I think you know, Floyd Mayweather Jr.'s a rich guy, he's a smart guy, I think he's building it up over the summer.
Erin : I know but I mean paying $50 just to hear Jim Lampley say BANG BANG BANG sort of you know, I mean it's a little do you think...
Adam Carolla : Lampley was sitting there in the Pacquiao fight and he was like "and there's Pacquiao center of the ring doing what he does best! BANGright hook! BANGleft to the body! BANG BANG BANG! I started to get a boner, but then I felt bad, and it was weird! It's like Lampley kinda lost it a little bit with his BANG BANG BANGs he was getting way too fired up.
Erin : I know. That was the highlight of the whole fight, nobody was talking about Clottey hanging in everyone was talking about Jim Lampley Banging.
Begin Rant:
Adam Carolla : The deal with the Manny Pacquiao thing, it's a cultural thing. We don't realize how quietly racist we all are. Because Pacquiao doesn't believe.. he says he doesn't give blood the month of the fight, or a week before the fight because somehow it's gonna weaken him and what have you.. and I gotta tell you if that was a white fighter, and probably even a black fighter, if the black fighter was from Atlanta or somewhere like that someone would go "what the fuck are you talking about? give him your drop of blood it's not gonna make a difference". But because he's from the Philippines and because he's you know... praying to chicken bones or stuff like that everyone's kinda like "uhh well you gotta respect him for his belief system". No you don't, he's a fucking idiot. Just give your stupid blood.
If you're not juicing..it's like who doesn't take a lie detector test who's not lying? Hey I accuse you of killing your wife. I didn't kill my wife. Good, take a lie detector test. No thank you. Submit a DNA sample. No, let me talk to my lawyer. Really? If you didn't kill your wife, aren't you in a hurry..you'd hook me up to a lie detector, shoot me up with sodium pentathol, and you'd be swabbing the inside of my cheek as we were doing it. Because if I didn't actually do it, I'd want you to know I didn't actually do it.
So if he's not actually juiced, then give them the fucking thimble of blood that they need to test so they can clear you for this fight. Point is they need to get together, they're not getting any younger, and somebody needs to tell Pacquiao, Pacman, that just a humming bird's beak worth of your blood the day before the fight doesn't make a difference.
Here's how you know your country doesn't have alot going for it : when everything is about Manny Pacquiao. Could you imagine, what if Ray "boom boom" Mancini went to the Philippines to fight and then that was all the United States was about. Oh man, did you see Ray "boom boom" Mancini? The united states would close down when he fights, and when he comes back here he'd run for president and everything would be Ray "boom boom" Mancini mania. Get a fucking life as a country, right? All you fucking got is this illiterate guy who won't give up blood and who happens to smash other guy's in the head better than other people. And that's all you have as the Philippines?
Everyone does that thing all the time and they're like "They are so proud of their native son, they think the world of him. When he comes home he comes home to a hero's parade. He's gonna run for congress in the Philippines. Really? You want some guy with brain damage running your country? Why don't you get your shit together, you got this and sex tours. That's all they have over there. Get your shit together Philippines, Jesus Christ. I mean, again, it's fine to be proud of your countrymen. But that's it? That's all you got?
Erin : That's all they got.
Adam Carola : Alright
Erin : Alright, thanks Adam.
Adam Carolla : Thanks Erin. Jesus Christ. It really pisses me off when other countries do that whole thing. There's 1 guy. He's 5'6. He's 147 pounds and he's good at punching other guys in the head, and you're gonna build your entire country around this guy? What happens when he loses? What happens when Floyd Mayweather beats him? And then what? The whole country goes into depression? Jesus you know you got nothing going.
That's the beauty of this country, we got way too much shit going on in this country. There's so many different things going on that you couldn't possibly build your entire existence around LeBron James or Tiger Woods or whoeever.You can go like "alright that guy is cool, he's a good golfer" and move on. Academy Awards is on, lets watch that. But it doesn't star LeBron James.
The Philippines that's it, that's all they got. I guess.
Some guy : I guess you hang on to it then.
Adam Carolla : I say let it go and get a life. Don't live vicariously through some dude who doesn't live there.
End rant
Some guy : Yeah but what if it takes a whole other generation for something exciting for that..
Adam Carolla : Do they do those sex tours over there?
Some guy : The Philippines, I don't they have those sex tours but I think the navy...
Adam Carolla : Like bike sex tours?..
Some guy : No, you're thinking of Thailand.
Adam Carolla : mehh, same difference.
Some guy : The navy, when we had a huge base there, there was alot of craziness going on when the guys were on shore leave. Like $20 for the weekend.
Adam Carolla : See if they can do a sex tour over there in the Philippines too. Book that for me. Go to priceline. Or whatever commercial Shatner does.
-That Guy from Philippine Online News
No comments:
Post a Comment